If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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