either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize