We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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