So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
