She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
