saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
