You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize