I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?