Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.