so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now