I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus