Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
