He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
