You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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