theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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