so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
