I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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