i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
there is glitter all over my balls
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