Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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