Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
