He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
