Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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