Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
