i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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