I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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