Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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