well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I met the friendliest cop last night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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