quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
