Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
