i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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