I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
