everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
