Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
