11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
