remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
