I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
