You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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