yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
