youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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