I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
