beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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