Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
