It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i came on her dog
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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