Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So squirting runs in the family.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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