it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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