i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
