Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
