so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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