sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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