she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
