my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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