I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
