MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
