my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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