Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
