I want to walk on stilts...naked
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
