I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
