At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
