Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
