I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
