good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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