your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so let's talk penis.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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