i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
