i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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