one might say we're banned from that church
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
