oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
