We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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