If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
