Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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