you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
