you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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