we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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