If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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