Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
