I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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