No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
