So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
