Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
