Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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