i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
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There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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