for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
