i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
