I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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