I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
