You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
