if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
