Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
