One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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