if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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