Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
