??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
