He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
