Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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