After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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