When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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