So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
